Single Mom, 4:17 AM

I became a single mom for the week at 3:44 am this morning, according to my upstairs bedroom clock as Brian pulled away.

I realize that no one is coming back to shut off the light upstairs. (Brian, honey, you left the light on upstairs. You also left your spare camera battery and charger. Guess you’ll have to be sparing with photo taking..) I turn the light off, and realize I need my alarm on. I turn on my alarm for 5:45. Gotta hit the bathroom too. Lights out again.

I immediately hear everything. Ev-er-ee-thing. My ears are ringing, at a couple different tones. I spend a few minutes trying to determine if they are all in my ears, and I have decided I am pretty sure one tone is coming from outside, pulsing at some 30 second intervals. The windows are open. I hear a gunshot coming from Jameson’s room, which is really him pounding the bed with his feet, or coughing. My God, does he do this every night? And Sasha, making a nest in her bed.

I’m thinking, great, Jameson already got up to eat at 1 am but only from one side. I am lopsided and uncomfortable on top of hearing my loud household and suburban neighborhood. Is this how it is for full time single moms? Hearing every little noise, wide awake for no reason at 4 am? I have a lot of practice going back to sleep. I get up every night to feed Jameson. I am good at this.

I look up at the clock. 4:03. Only 15 minutes have gone by. My ears are still ringing.

This week is going to s.u.c.k.

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