Delicious Morning

It was a great morning today with everyone feeling better. It was delicious, not in the tasty food way, but in the have-time-to-cuddle and get-to-see-Jameson way. Jameson was up early this morning so I got to feed and dress him this morning, which is always fun. I came into work a little later but it was worth it.

I have just over a week to prepare for his 1st birthday party! I can hardly believe the time that’s gone by. Recently, he has started waving at us with his whole arm, he is so excited. It’s the best feeling to come into a room and have him wave at you like he just saw you for the first time in a while. (It’s not unlike Sasha’s excitement whenever we leave and come back; dogs are so similar to babies)

Whenever he falls, I says “boom!” to make it funny and distract him from what otherwise might be an unhappy moment. I’ll also say boom when toys drop to the ground loud. The other night, I was almost certain he was trying to say Boom too with a “buh buh”. He has also finally discovered his “d’s” so we’re waiting for a “da da da” to come out.

Jameson likes to spin around in circles on his butt, just moving his legs to get around in a circle. It’s adorable, and I’d love to get it on camera (I did get one haphazard one at the end of this video), but recently he has been less easy to photograph. The other night I was trying to get him to “drink” from the bucket (there wasn’t any water in it) like he does at play and bath time, but he didn’t want to do it for the camera again. He either gets distracted when I get the camera out, or he comes running crawling really fast toward me to get at it. Or to be held, he really likes to be held a lot recently.

I’m thinking that this is just a phase (and really, no adults are trying to jump in their parents arms like that), so I am not too worried about this. In fact, I kind of enjoy it, especially when he’ll lay his head against me for a moment (just a moment). The only other time he is still like that is when he is sitting looking at books with us. He loves the baby touch and feel books, but all books must seem like magic to him when he flips the page and a new picture appears.

I think he just wants to see things from a new vantage point when he wants to be held, but I don’t think he’ll be walking by next week. He is really good with his walk behind toy, much better than when we try to walk with him with our hands. He really does like to do things himself. But as yet, he’s not standing on his own beyond a moment or two when he lets go of whatever furniture he’s holding onto.

Speaking of furniture, he is really loving cabinets, so we finally purchased some locks that Brian will be putting on this weekend on a few cabinets. I don’t really mind him getting into the pots and pans, or the towels, so those will probably stay unlocked. In some ways, since I don’t see him as often because I work, it’s actually made life really easy and less stressful. If he wants to bang on some pans while I’m home, that’s fine. Hopefully I’ll be able to turn around the relaxed attitude a little and give it some boundaries as he gets older.

For now, I am really enjoying him as a baby, and while I love that he is getting bigger and I’m happy he’s moving into the new room at daycare with other 12-18 month olds (particularly because he gets to move up with his friend), I am also wishing I could just pause him right here for a little bit.

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What You Didn’t See

So, in case you didn’t notice from my pictures on Monday, (Or in case you didn’t see my thousand shares on Twitter and Facebook) there was an Instagram photo I stuck in.  That’s right, I got myself an iPhone. My 2 years was up, my Droid phone was dying, and I said to hell with Google, I’ll get an iPhone. Actually, it was more like, YAY PHOTOS, rather than to hell with Google, because I really really do like Google.

Anyway, I spent the weekend taking photos both with the iPhone and my Nikon, and yes, I have fallen in love with Instagram. So here are some moments from Thanksgiving you didn’t see.

That in the bottom left, is a picture of me that Brian took as a joke. I think I am losing another game, I might have been grumpy.

As an aside… yesterday Brian found out from the daycare that Jameson has already been using a walk-behind toy at daycare and loves it. Hence why he immediately was so good with it. Can I just say it was a little like ruining Christmas for me, to find out that Jameson had already had this experience before without us? It was depressing. I’m pretty bummed about it. Also, he’s going to move up to the new class at daycare soon. Part of growing up. But I was kind of down about it yesterday.

Luckily, my friend Lynne arrived to go out to dinner and chat, so that made the night better. Oh, and my rosemary tree arrived. It’s a mini tree, and it makes the kitchen smell lovely.

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Yesterday, we came home with a progress report on Jameson. Presumably, because he is nearly 11 months old, he naturally has Mastered many important things like rolling over, moving toys from hand to hand, and yes, he has no separation anxiety.

On the “Introduced” scale, they are teaching him to use gestures to tell them what he wants. Good luck, since Jameson has never imitated me before on anything. Imitating the dog, sure…

They tell me his new favorite game is to (proudly) take all the toys off the shelves, then select one toy (usually a stacking cup) and carry it in his mouth around the room. Mom is so proud.

There looks to be one girl amongst the passel of boys.

Jameson is in the top right, next to his partner in crime Nathan, and one baby away from their other friend Logan. All three of these babies can crawl now so they like to get into mischief together.

I’ve come in the room with them playing at the door to the changing room, banging away.

Jameson loves the daycare, and I have to say I really like the idea of him having friends in the daycare too. The more days that go by, the more okay I am with this whole daycare thing.

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Mom requested a photo. Specifically, she requested a Jameson photo, but you know you can’t get everything you ask for.

Here are a couple people I work with, with me on the right. This is what I wore on the day of my big presentation.

Also, we totally have left over candy, and I just ate a KitKat, so I feel better now. KitKats make everything better.

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Lately, Jameson has just been so happy. It’s been wonderful, and we love our evenings together.

I’ve recently also been thinking about our life, in relation to work. There have been a lot of changes at my job recently, and I would be lying if I didn’t say that those also effect family life, and occupy a lot of my thoughts.

A couple of weeks ago, my boss quit all of a sudden, giving one week notice to us. Since then, there have been a lot of conversations about possibly restructuring the team, moving my one other full time teammate into a new role, and a consultant even came in with his recommendations as to how the entire department should be structured.

I have to say, I am a little tired of it all.

But through this has come up the possibility of me trying to take on a manager role, applying if I was interested. And for the first time, I feel like I am choosing family over my career, because I am not going to apply, and several times over have said that I am not interested.

I’ve been a little overclear. I don’t typically hide what I mean. I don’t want to work longer hours, and I don’t want to work directly for our VP. Not because he’s a bad person, but because he is a manager of managers, and I am not ready or willing to take on that kind of responsibility.

My old boss from several jobs ago laid it out like this:

All of these things: self, job and family, need to be in balance with each other. If something gets out of balance, life is out of balance.

Right now, I have balance.

I come home in the evenings and play with Jameson for the 1-1/2 hours we have together. He’s a joy right now, and I love it. I have time to spend with Brian, and time for myself working on this blog or photography or other crafts. I am content.

I am not saying that changing my position right now would put me out of balance (it would, for a while, but eventually I would find it back). I am just saying that I see no sound reason to make the change right now. I’m not ready for it, I don’t want it, and that would make me the worst kind of manager ever.

So things are in flux, and my position might change anyway to something more suitable in whatever new structure we decide to go for. Maybe my old boss from jobs ago, who is now a consultant here, maybe he’ll be able to step up into that role. Maybe someone else worse will, or someone else better. Unfortunately, I have to accept that changes are coming, no matter what.

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The Sweetest Sound

Now that Jameson is mobile and comfortable being mobile (not afraid to zoom wherever he pleases), the door stopper might be my favorite sound of all. You see, when he’s hitting the door stopper, I both know what he’s doing and where he is without being in sight!

It’s amazing!

Unfortunately, nothing holds his attention for long enough for me to do much of anything, ha!

I’m starting to feel like the choices I make now are really going to start shaping him. I mean, he can probably understand me now. So, I should completely stop swearing.

I’m also wondering if I’m too lax? Is it too early to start thinking about that?

In addition to door stoppers, I let Jameson play with our coasters. They’re coasters, and if he will stay occupied banging them on the end tables for 15 minutes and be super happy about it, that should be okay, right?

I don’t worry if he thinks the sippy cup is a play thing, or if he chews on his own socks (which are probably dirty even though he doesn’t walk yet).

I wonder if part of the reason I’m relaxed like that is because I’m away from him most of the week. I want to have fun, not stress, when we’re together.

But then I think, maybe I’m leaving too much to daycare. Maybe I should be telling him that he shouldn’t chew on his socks or play on the bottom step (which still doesn’t have a baby gate on it).

I am over-thinking this right now.

And all of you with older kids are thinking, these are silly things to worry about. And you’re right, and I don’t worry about them too much. Just on occasions where we are interacting with other children, and it becomes clear that we have different parenting styles.

It’s a social thing.

But when it’s just us and the friends and family we’re most comfortable with, I know I’m doing it right, for us.

and then, she {snapped}

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I Quit

It wasn’t giving up, really. I’ve been complaining for a long time now about the travails of daily pumping at work, but I couldn’t pull the trigger.

This was pretty much because Jameson was still nursing in the morning. It was a pleasant wake up, one of the few times he completely relaxed into my arms. He’s very active, and when he’s tired he just wants to be laid down in his crib to fall asleep by himself. Not a lot of rocking or swaying for this guy anymore. You may think that is lucky, but mostly now I just think it’s sad.

Then one day, at my parents house, it was the last day, and we didn’t even know it. That was probably was for the best. On Sunday, August 7 we nursed for the last time.

Monday, he started biting me. He wouldn’t stop, it seemed like he just was going to continue. We tried Tuesday and Wednesday, and he kept biting. Mr. Jameson is a chewer and gnaw-er of all things. He puts everything in his mouth. I suppose it’s only natural that he try to chew me like he can chew his sippy cups and bottles and toys.

So, it seems like he chose it himself, and that was the anti-climatic end of breastfeeding.

I continued to pump at work and once at home. I told Brian I wanted to quit, again and again. Pumping is not particularly a happy experience, and I had finally had enough. I suppose I was looking for validation from him that it was okay to stop, that I had finally done enough. Jameson is healthy, he takes formula without issues, there was no reason other than the ongoing health benefits to continue. And it was making me unhappy and stressed, the less I was able to pump.

As a compromise to myself, I stopped pumping in the evenings. I chose the evenings because then I could wash parts early in the evening rather than when I was exhausted right before bed, and because the mornings were still the best time to get the most milk.

Then I planned the date I was going to quit for a couple weeks out. It was going to be a Thursday. I would pump once more, and that Friday I wouldn’t pump at all. I would be uncomfortable over the weekend, and then all would be well.

I opted to quit on a Monday, suddenly. I don’t know who does that, but I did, because I was impatient. And I didn’t even feel a thing. August 21 was my final pumping session and instead of feeling free, or relieved, or excited, I didn’t really feel anything at all. Just another work day, with an extra half hour in it. Likewise, I didn’t have any pain or discomfort. I must have weaned myself well.

And that was the end. A day or two out, I was appreciating wearing real bras again, but I’m still waiting for my final size, so they fit less than perfect. I haven’t put the pump away yet, maybe then it will seem more final.

Jameson holds his own bottle now.

Tuesday night he did actually nuzzle back into my arms after I burped him at night. And the other day he turned to me, stretched far and reached out his arms to grab at my legs, pulling himself to me. So these little things I can appreciate more now, I think. I guess we are turned to the next chapter.

This post is linked up with Shell’s Pour Your Heart Out at Things I Can’t Say. Visit Things I Can’t Say for more PYHO stories

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An Everyday Evening

When I get home, it is anywhere between 5:20 and 5:30. Typically I pick up Jameson from daycare. From that point until bedtime, we try to keep Jameson happy and entertained and focused entirely on him. Seeing my baby just for an hour and a half every day is tough, but it’s better when days are good.

But quite a bit of time, Mr. Jameson hasn’t had enough naps at daycare and is consequently tired and cranky. Oh, and it doesn’t help when he’s teething or going through a growth spurt.

Anyway, I thought I’d share a snapshot of a more typical evening. Actually, a couple evenings, this wasn’t shot all in one day, it was shot on August 21 and 23rd last week.

First I eat dinner, asap while I’m not quite as tired when we get home.
Usually I’m okay with it, sometimes I’m not.

Then, I play with mom and dad for a little bit.
I like to take all my toys out of the bin.

Oh, I’m dressed all ca-ray-zy because I went through two outfits at daycare.

And then I had dinner too, so I’m pretty gross.
Mom usually edits out my drooly chin.

Mom wonders if maybe I’m teething again,
but I just like to put everything in my mouth.

Anytime now I should be crawling. Maybe one day it’ll just click.

Then all of a sudden, I realize how tired I am.

Mom scoops me up and it’s time for a bath.

I love my baths no matter how tired I am! No crying for me. Just yawns.

Mom courteously hid my cash and prizes.

My favorite puppy in the whole world waits upstairs.

I love my puppy, she makes me giggle when she licks my toes.

When I get out of the tub, I always get cranky.
It’s cold out here, mom!

Then I have a bottle. Did you know I hold my own bottle now?
Ms Colleen at daycare taught me.

There aren’t any pictures now because I don’t play in my crib anymore.

I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the mattress.
Mom doesn’t want to wake me up. Shhhh

and then, she {snapped}

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Taking a Walk

On a good day, on a nice late summer evening if we get home from work early enough, we try to take Jameson on a walk so that he can get outside a little bit.

On a good day, he loves his walks, and it keeps him happy later in the evenings.

On a good day, we usually pass by a stunted tree, which Brian lovingly calls the “Hilary tree”

On a good day, we skirt around the bee hive, and the bees are floating lazily around.

On a good day, we come home and swing a little bit more outside.

On a good day, we come in and even play a little bit before dinner and bed.

On a good day, Jameson stays content until bed time, falling asleep quickly and easily.

Hopefully, today will be a good day.

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Two Words or One Word? Roller. Coaster.

On our list now for the rest of summer are just a few must-do’s:

  • go canoeing/fake kayaking in those kayaks with huge openings so I don’t drown if I tip over
  • go on a little hike to where we got engaged
  • go ride some roller coasters
  • biking around Put-in-Bay? (yes, we just added to the list, but only because we hit one of the goals so quickly)

Have I mentioned here before how much I like roller coasters? I missed them terribly last year when I was pregnant and couldn’t ride. Maybe it’s like the things you can’t have, you want the most? We only go once a year (though last year I didn’t go at all). But it’s almost like I was salivating for those roller coasters.

We went spontaneously Wednesday, after finding out on Tuesday that Brian’s dad had (free) tickets that he wouldn’t be able to use.

Work was put aside, out of office notices put up, Jameson was packed up to daycare, and instructions for Brian’s mom left behind. Do you know this magical child didn’t wake up from being moved from one crib at grandma’s house to his regular crib at our house? He is certainly a champion sleeper now, only rarely needing help finding a pacifier and falling asleep by himself after playing with toys in his crib.

Anyway, we had a blast. We hit up every large, scary, take-your-breath away coaster. I really enjoyed the new “adult” swings (that go way in the air). They played the Harry Potter theme just for me on that ride, I swear.

We even committed to that extra wait to ride in the front for this ride, above. Totally worth it, dangly legs and all.

And I was finally smart about my shoes and attire. What is it about going out that makes me feel like I’m in high school again, feeling the need to dress up, slip on some heels trendy no-cushion flats, and dye my hair? (for the record, I’ve never dyed my hair)

Nope, I had what I like to call mom-sense Wednesday. Tank top, sandals with straps, and a non-washed pony tail for me. It was perfect.

I even took note of some not-too-shabby looking fanny packs. For the future, you know.

P.S. This weekend Brian and I are going on an overnight getaway–without Mr. Jameson. It will be our first time away together. But it should be a blast! This was our delayed anniversary gift to each other this year, so I’m pretty excited! What a great week it’s been.

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