If we are estimating 3 times a day at about 20 minutes since I went back to work, and 1 time a day since Jameson was 3 weeks old, I have spent approximately 147 hours pumping – that is 8,820 minutes or nearly one full week of just pumping (alright, I did round up. It’s actually like 6.1 days, but that may as well be a full week, right?).
Since switching jobs, I have decreased the number of feedings by two, in preparation to quit. The extra pumping session at work, and the overnight feeding.
I’m not preparing to quit because I don’t have time at work – sometimes it is actually nice to get away for a bit. I have even been reading again during my 20 minute pumping sessions at work (rather than writing blog posts; those I do at home now and prepare most during the weekend).
[Side note: The room is nicer at my job here. If you remember, I showed some pictures of my previous job’s lactation room. Here’s what it looks like here.
The room was re-done very recently; since I have started, they have removed the office desk that was in the room. I wish I had gotten before and afters of that. (though, the glass side table is a poor choice, which I need to note to HR sometime). And look! I even have a refrigerator!]
It’s because of the endless cycle of it all, the nursing tank tops I wear every. day. , the perpetual cleaning of parts: the wiping down after each session, the washing at night, every night.
It’s because I want to wear real clothes, and I really want to go ride roller coasters all day long without needing to pump, or scheduling things around when I need to pump. I want to leave the pump at home. Better yet, pack it up and put it away.
It’s because I want to be able to have a glass of wine at dinner without feeling the (sometimes irrational) need to pour half the amount; or not at all if I need to pump within the hour.
I almost want to stop enough to really call it quits, but not quite yet. I sometimes wish that I would completely stop lactating without me having to choose though. The good thing about supplementing is that I don’t worry so much about the milk. The bad thing is that in continuing to provide mother’s milk while supplementing with formula is that when I decide to quit it will be my decision.
Which of course involves guilt, and maybe a little disappointment in myself, my selfishness. It’s easier at this point if the environment or my body takes that choice away, and then there is no option, I just quit.
(This is not to detract from others’ choices or lack of choices when it comes to nursing or pumping for their children, as these are my personal feelings on the matter and no others)
But for now, Jameson is still nursing in the morning when he wakes, and he’s having a few (common) digestive issues (i.e., constipation) so mommy’s milk still seems important, too important to quit.
And yes, I know it is important. I am just not sure when it won’t seem as important to me. But it better be before summer is up, so I can go to Cedar Point (and leave the pump behind).